Routines can be one of the easiest ways to build some productive moments into our day. With a solid routine, we don’t have to think about what to do, we just DO. But it’s not always easy to know how to set a routine. When we feel scattered, like life is pulling us in too many directions, it can be difficult to establish a new routine or too follow through with an old one.
These are the moments we need to give ourselves grace, first and foremost. And with that grace, we can work slowly towards building a routine that works for us.
Why routines?
Routines work because they take the decision-making out of a process and let us accomplish the given task smoothly and automatically. We don’t have to think about the steps in the process. We just do them.
That doesn’t mean that routines are soulless, or that we can’t enjoy them. In fact, routines can provide an oasis of calm in an otherwise hectic day.
When we worked on establishing a solid naptime routine for our baby, having a clear routine (diaper change, sleep sack, dark room, sound machine, pacifier) helped signal to him that it was time to sleep. As we’ve persisted with the routine (even after taking the pacifier out of the routine), it’s surprised me how quickly the routine helps him go from crawling all around the room to settling into sleep.
And what works for babies works for us adults too. When I follow a routine in my business or in my everyday life, I move through the activity with far less friction. It gives me a sense of grounding.
The beautiful ideal of routines
We tend to hear the most about morning routines. They may involve a peaceful cup of coffee, exercise, moments of quiet reflection or journaling, yoga, etc.
And honestly, that sounds amazing.
And kind of unrealistic in some seasons of life.
Pre-baby, while I was living by myself during the pandemic, I had a great morning routine going. After a trip to the bathroom, I drank a glass of water, put on a podcast to listen to while watering my plants and making a bowl of oatmeal. I finished up the podcast while eating, then took some moments to review my to-do list and set my intentions for the day.
It was the perfect way to start my workday.
Nowadays… our baby has been waking us up between 4:30am and 5:30am every day. For months.
But that doesn’t mean a morning routine can’t happen. It just has to look different. (And it usually has to involve a nap.)
A more realistic (and grace-filled) approach to routines
I’ve learned that it’s so important to be thoughtful when deciding how to set a routine. Consider the purpose of your routine. Start small, and give yourself options. And decide in advance to give yourself grace.
Consider the purpose
You shouldn’t just set a routine to have a routine. Ask yourself what you want to accomplish through your routine.
Do you want to cultivate a reflective, calm state of mind? Do you want to ramp yourself up into action? Do you want an end-of-day routine so that you can leave work at work and be more fully present at home?
Once you’ve established the reason for your routine, it’s easier to think about the tasks that make sense to add into the routine.
Start small
And when you decide what to add into your routine, don’t go overboard. Remember that a routine benefits us the most when it becomes a regular part of our life. A routine that has so many steps that you can only maintain the routine for 3 days before giving up isn’t really a routine.
So choose ONE small thing as your routine. Something that has a big impact, but that is super easy to do.
For a morning routine focusing on building energy for the day, that might be drinking a glass of water when you wake up.
For an end-of-day business routine with the goal of setting up for tomorrow’s success, it might be taking one last glance at your to-do list before you close out the day.
Resist the urge to set up a list of tasks you want to complete in a certain order in your routine. Focus on getting consistent with one thing. You can add others later.
In the process, you’ll be much more likely to actually keep up with it.
Give yourself a downgrade option
Another way to increase the likelihood that your routine will be sustainable is to give yourself options for what makes it into your routine. Then, based on the situation of the individual day, you can choose what’s most appropriate.
Perhaps you’ve decided that you want to establish an evening routine of spending 15 minutes or so reading, with the goal of increasing your knowledge of a particular topic. But then your friends invite you out for dinner. And you know you won’t have time for your reading.
If you have a downgrade option like listening to a podcast on the topic, you can listen on your way to the restaurant.
Of course, giving yourself too many options at some point defeats the purpose of having a routine. Be thoughtful here. The goal is to make it easier to accomplish the underlying purpose of your routine even when life gets in the way. The goal isn’t to give you yet another to-do list item or yet another decision to make in your day.
Give yourself grace
Over the years, I’ve found that one of the most important parts of starting a new routine is being really realistic about my ability to hold myself to that routine. Even when I’m fully on board with starting the routine. And even when I’ve made the routine small.
Because inevitably there will be a day when I forget, or chaos happens, or I’m just too tired to care, etc.
Skipping the routine in those circumstances isn’t actually the problem.
The problem is what happens the next day. It’s tempting to say, “Well, I’m just bad at routines. I slipped yesterday, so I’m going to slip again. It’s a worthless cause, and I might as well give up.”
Instead, we need to reframe these missed days. They aren’t failure. They aren’t evidence that we’re “bad at” routines. It’s just one day. (Or just two days or however many days it was before you realized you’ve been skipping the routine.)
The key is to shift your thinking into something more forgiving, more grace-filled, and more focused on the future. Try shifting your self-talk into “Well, yes, I did slip. But today is an opportunity to restart.”
When we don’t hold ourselves to the standard of perfection, it’s so much easier to accept that these slip ups are just a part of life. They don’t need to cause us to abandon the whole project. And in fact, we could even be grateful for the chance to consciously recommit to the routine.
Get in touch
I’d love to hear from you about what routines have worked for you or how you plan to set your routine. Send me a note and let me know!