With the new year comes New Year’s resolutions, and you may be finding yourself setting grand goals for how you are going to live differently in the new year. I know I personally get sucked into over-promising to myself all the things I want to do differently in the new year. But we’ve all heard (and probably personally experienced) the way that resolutions rarely last past January. Without the right framework in place, it’s easy to let our goals slide. But when we learn how to set good goals with intention, we’ll be much more likely to reach them.
The problem with goals
It might seem counterintuitive that goals would be a problem. We’re so used to thinking that since having direction and purpose is good, goals must automatically be good as well.
But there are a few reasons we might want to be suspicious of goals. James Clear in his book Atomic Habits outlines four main problems with goals:
- Since winners and losers have the same goal, goal setting alone is not enough to guarantee success.
- Achieving a goal often only results in a temporary change, since we easily slip back into our old ways.
- Goals make us less happy since we spend the majority of our time not having reached the goal.
- Since we often stop working as hard as soon as the goal is reached, goals can also prevent long-term progress.
However, it’s possible to avoid some of these negative aspects of goals, as long as we are intentional about the goals we set.
In the rest of this article, I’ll share a step by step process you can take to learn how to set good goals.
Reflect on the past
Unless we know where we have been, it’s hard to know where we need to go. Good goal setting should start with a careful review of the past:
- What went well? List out your major wins, favorite times, happiest moments. What went most smoothly? And what would you love to repeat?
- What didn’t go so well? Where did you get stuck or frustrated? Was there anything that just wasn’t worth your time? What would you love to never have to do again?
Take a few minutes to think through your answers, and maybe journal for a bit on each one. Once you’ve completed this reflection, you should have a better idea of the direction your goals should take.
Personal example: For my private tutoring business in 2020, I enjoyed having the opportunity to support students who are self-studying for their exams. I wasn’t able to do as much of that as I wanted, but I am proud of an LSAT review guide I was able to publish on Amazon.
Determine/Remind yourself of your values
When we are clear on what we stand for and what our mission is in our business or our life, we can make sure to set good goals that are in line with those values. Then, when things get a little too hectic and we are tempted to abandon our goal, we can find renewed motivation by reminding ourselves of the big picture reason for the goal in the first place.
Determining your core values isn’t a quick process. It often involves a lot of soul-searching. But here are some questions to get you started:
- What is most important to you? What are you most passionate about?
- What do you want your legacy to be?
- At the end of your life, what would you most regret not doing, being, or becoming, if you never got the chance?
Personal example: In my private tutoring business, I always want to make sure I’m serving a wide range of deserving students, even ones who may not have the finances to support hiring a tutor very often or at all. Supporting students who are self-studying is therefore one of the core values I’m trying to cultivate in my business.
Be bold
Now that you’ve taken stock of last year and have worked on (re)defining your values, it’s time to dream big about your goals. Don’t feel like you have to hold back here, and have fun with it.
- If you could accomplish anything you wanted this year, what would it be?
- Where do you want to be 2, 3, or 5 years from now?
Remember to keep your values in mind. Ideally, these big dreams of yours should be connected to the values and life mission you identified earlier.
Personal example: To support self-study students, I’ve considered a lot of options. Hosting free workshops. Organizing a Facebook group. Publishing printed materials. Hosting low-cost study groups with accountability. Publishing lots of free content online. Etc. Big goals!
Keep things simple
Now it’s time to go to the other end of the spectrum. Those big, bold plans you just laid out? Consider them carefully. Judiciously decide which one or two should get your attention, and which ones you can keep on the back burner or eliminate. It’s great to want to do it all, but we have to keep in mind that we can’t do Everything, All the time.
Once you’ve narrowed your focus down to one or two main goals, do what you can to make the goal more concrete and more granular. Make sure it’s doable too.
Personal example: If I tried to do even half the things on the list above, I’d have no time for anything else. I’d also be putting myself under far too much pressure. Publishing lots of free content online is a doable project for me, so I’m choosing to focus there first.
Create a system
Once you have your narrow goal, it’s time to make it narrower still by systematizing it. Part of how to set good goals involves figuring out how to put the goal on auto-pilot by turning it into habitual actions. I mentioned earlier the four problems with goals that James Clear identifies in Atomic Habits. His solution? Focus on habit formation rather than goal-setting, since strong habits will help carry you further to your goal and even well past your goal.
When putting together the system you’ll use to move closer to your goal, consider the following:
- What small habitual action can you take that will repeatedly move you forward to your goal?
- How often will you do it? What time of day? Where? Get specific. But also be realistic and be kind to yourself.
- What tools and resources do you need to set yourself up for success?
Personal example: I’ve never really loved writing, so I need to build a solid writing habit that helps me learn to love it. To make it enjoyable, I’ll be sure to only write on a topic I’m passionate about. I’ll try to do so with tea and a snack while taking a break from my baby if possible. Until writing becomes easier for me, I’m planning to spend at least some part of each day drafting or editing. Even if it’s just 5 minutes of jotting down notes right before my baby wakes up from his nap.
Add accountability
When we tell someone about our plans, we become a lot more likely to actually follow through and reach our goal. We also give ourselves the gift of support. Google anything asking the lines of “the power of accountability” and you’ll likely find articles touting a study by the American Society of Training and Development. They found that being accountable to someone can make you 65% likely to achieve your goal. And having ongoing accountability meetings with your accountability partner can drive your success rate up to 95%. That’s huge!
So take advantage of this boost by letting someone know your plan. Make sure they know their role is to be your cheerleader rather than your taskmaster. Sure, you’re looking for their support so that you can be more consistent. But your accountability partner can also make sure you aren’t asking too much of yourself and that you are putting helpful habits into place.
Personal example: To hold myself accountable for my writing habit, I first sent an email to those on my email list, letting them know to expect a blog post each Monday and an email from me each Thursday. I’ll also be letting my mastermind partners know so that they can help me when things get tough.
Create a plan for grace
This is the part of how to set good goals that usually gets overlooked, in my opinion. We focus most of our attention on goal creation. After that, we focus on motivating ourselves to never falter in our efforts. We block out appointments with ourselves to go to the gym, set reminders on our phones, give ourselves deadlines, etc.
But we don’t often stop to think about the days when we’re inevitably going to let our habits slip. When we’re not going to do what we promised ourselves we would do.
And those days always come.
Whether it’s because something urgent came up, you needed a mental health day, or you just plain forgot, we’re never going to be perfect at any habit or goal we set.
Goals without grace
The temptation in these moments is to keep letting things slide. One day of not “reviewing your top priority task before sitting down to work” becomes two, then three. Then suddenly you realize you can’t even remember when you last even decided on a top priority task. One day of not “prioritizing sleep by avoiding caffeine after 2pm” turns into “well, I know I shouldn’t do it again, but I’m just so exhausted…” And so on.
How to set good goals with grace built in
The key isn’t to be so harsh with yourself that you never fall. Because you will. And if you’re harsh with yourself, the fall will just be harder.
Instead, the key is to decide in advance that you are going to give yourself grace and treat yourself with the same respect that you would give to others. Make a plan for how you’re going to get back into the swing of things after you falter:
- Ask your accountability partner to check in with you and to help you troubleshoot if you feel a habit needs to be tweaked.
- Journal or reflect on what happened. Actively grant yourself forgiveness, and remind yourself of your “why.”
Personal example: With a strong-willed 5-month-old, I know I’m going to have some days where I’m just overwhelmed by trying to placate my son. Even 5 minutes of writing content for self-study students might be too much to ask if I am exhausted or if my son decides he needs to be constantly attached to me. On good days, I’ll try to get a little ahead so that I feel completely free to forgive myself for the hard days.
So what do you want to achieve this year?
If this post has helped you think a bit more about how to set good goals, I’d be so grateful if you could share it with someone else who might appreciate it. And if you’re looking for someone to tell your plan to for that accountability boost, I’d love to be that person.
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